I'm very logical in the way that I think. Ironic, I know considering... In truth, I think my body is human. Maybe my consciousness is too? I'm not entirely sure. I know I feel different. I know humans and I are not 100% connected. But I've been around humans for as long as I've lived, so I can...I'm very logical in the way that I think. Ironic, I know considering... In truth, I think my body is human. Maybe my consciousness is too? I'm not entirely sure. I know I feel different. I know humans and I are not 100% connected. But I've been around humans for as long as I've lived, so I can only think as they think... I think?
I've had my share of what I assume to be delusions or hallucinations. I've never been diagnosed as schizophrenic or schizo-effective. The most diagnosis I've gotten was for PTSD, C-PTSD, Chronic Depression, and Generalized Anxiety. None of which have symptoms that can explain what I'm about to discuss here.
My short-term memory is pretty much garbage. And my long-term memory is pretty bad too, but I can hold onto key things that really shook me at the time. The first memory I have locked away was before I could even speak. I was sat playing in a white room at my grandparents' house. There were long, white curtains on the walls, plastic on the sofa, and a dining table with six settings.Normally, I wouldn't be able to remember any of these details, but something happened that marked the moment as important somewhere in my psyche. While I was sat there playing, as a wordless child, no one was immediately around me. Logically, I assume my parents were in the house just not right in front of me. But there was a voice, one that I couldn't recognize... It was low and raspy, but comforting too. Like a jazz singer who's smoked a few too many cigarettes. I wasn't scared at the time. In fact remembering that voice brings me a lot of comfort when I'm stressed. Nor do I remember what the voice said.
There's a lot of supernatural events that followed me after that. I've had dealings with demons, deities, and spirits, none of whom really bother me. I often dream of the dead the day they die. I dreamed about my grandfather, my step grandfather, my mom's friends... All of whom I didn't know had died until the next day. I had a restless spirit who lived in my house as growing up, but they only really bothered my abusive parents, not me. I doubt it has anything to do with the rest of this story, but it felt appropriate for whatever reason to mention I'm no stranger to things beyond human comprehension.
The reason I bring the voice up, however, and here of all places on the internet, is because I've heard it again. That same, sweet voice that comforted me as a verbally inept child is coming to me at night. I still don't know what they're saying, it's in a language I don't recognize. I can gauge the voice's meaning, but nothing substantially tangible or certain is within my grasp. And after I heard it the other night, I felt a warm embrace on my hip, like a lover holding me close... at first. Then the sensation became more... clinical? It felt like every impurity was being inspected, but I wasn't uncomfortable. (Which is also strange considering I squirm at doctor's visits.)
Has anyone else heard this voice? Does anyone know what it is? Who are they? What do they want from me? Am I crazy? Am I hallucinating it all? These are the questions I find myself asking myself... And without sharing this story I'm not likely to get any answers... So that's why I'm sharing this story. Do I belong on this website, or am I just a human who really needs to talk to their psychologist about being strapped to a bed? Show more